dear blank, please blank - pt. 1

Dear platypus,

So let me get this right, you're part duck, part beaver, lay eggs, produce venom and you sweat milk and have your young lick it off you instead of just having nipples?

Sincerely, proof God does shrooms.

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Dear kid who bullied me all through grade-school,

It's funny you're still taking my lunch money...

Sincerely, I asked for no mayo.

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Dear boy,

I put you in the friend-zone for a reason, I think you have potential. It's your responsibility to take it further.

Sincerely, your potential girlfriend.

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Dear pair of jeans in the lost and found,

Please explain.

Sincerely, on second thought, maybe I don't want to know...

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Dear big puddle,

Bring. It. On.

Sincerely, child at heart.